its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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