my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
