"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I met the friendliest cop last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
