eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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