So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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