i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
