I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
