a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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