I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
