I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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