ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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