My boss' voice literally gives me gas
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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