you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
