based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
