Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize