there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
