I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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