Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
