Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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