i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
