Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
