too bad you live with your parents still
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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