Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize