Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
