What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize