There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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