Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
