and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
