do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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