Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
