Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
