Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
