Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize