then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
