well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
