Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
