I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
