May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
