is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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