I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
