What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
