Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
