mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
