$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
