your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
