Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
