At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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