She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
