he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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