It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
