I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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