my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
