he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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