I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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