After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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