So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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