im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You can't special order awesome
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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