I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think i have two assholes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
