In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
