The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
