It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
