morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
