For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
