I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
