When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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