he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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