i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
